I don’t know if I’m “enjoying motherhood.” People ask me that all the time, and I don’t know what to say.
How do you enjoy something when you’re always in survival mode? When you’re running on no sleep, no support, and no space to breathe? When you’re pulled in every direction, expected to mother, work, clean, cook, and somehow still be a whole person?
The truth is: I feel like I’m drowning.
“You’ll Miss This” – But Right Now, I Don’t
Every time I try to speak honestly about how hard this is, I’m met with the same lines from women with older children: “You’ll miss this one day.” “Cherish every moment.”
But it’s hard to cherish a moment when I haven’t showered in three days, when I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in six months, when I don’t even feel human anymore. I don’t feel like me. I feel like a vessel – only existing to meet other people’s needs, never my own.
Modern Motherhood Hits Different
Motherhood has always been hard, but modern motherhood is its own beast. We’re not just raising babies. We’re reparenting ourselves, breaking generational cycles of trauma, and trying to build healthier emotional homes for our children than the ones we grew up in.
At the same time, we’re working demanding jobs, chasing career goals, and navigating a society that still expects us to run spotless homes and never miss a school request.
And in the middle of all this, we’re shamed for everything. Screens, snacks, clothes, bottles, food, how we sleep, how we feed, how we discipline. No matter what we do, we’re told it’s wrong.
The Weight of “How Are You?”
Even the simplest question – “How are you?” – feels loaded. Because what do I say? That I’m not sleeping? That I’m barely eating? That I’m breaking under the weight of it all?
Instead, I smile. I say “we’re fine.” Because if I tell the truth, if I admit how heavy this feels, I’ll fall apart.
Our Bodies: Celebrated, Then Shamed
When I was pregnant, people celebrated my body. My growing belly was “beautiful.” I was glowing. But the moment I gave birth, my body became a target. Suddenly I was supposed to “bounce back,” to fit into jeans that belonged to someone I don’t even recognize anymore.
And if I dared to complain? I’d hear: “Children are blessings. You wanted this.”
Yes, children are blessings. But that doesn’t erase the strain. That doesn’t make the exhaustion, the loneliness, or the pressure disappear.
The Honest Truth
Motherhood is both love and loss. Love for this tiny human you’d do anything for. Loss of the self you once were, the body you once knew, the freedom you once had.
I’m sad. I’m angry. And I’m disappointed in how society treats women once we’ve given birth. We deserve more than survival. We deserve support, compassion, and honesty about just how hard this really is.
Until then, I’ll keep treading water. But don’t ask me to “enjoy every moment” – not when survival is all I can manage.
