In this heartfelt account, Alexandrea Roberts bravely shares the often-overlooked challenges single mothers in South Africa face. Through the lens of Newton’s laws, she unveils the unyielding emotional and financial burdens single mothers endure, revealing the hidden emotional toll on those left to raise children without the support of a partner. As Alexandrea describes, the weight of solo parenting is compounded by societal expectations, judgment, and the silent acceptance of deadbeat behaviors. This piece sheds light on the urgent need for change, greater empathy, and genuine support for single mothers navigating parenthood alone.
Newton’s Law of Deadbeats: Why Single Mothers Always Take the Hit
The Relentless Weight of Solo Parenting
I’m so tired. I feel drained. Constantly on empty, with only enough fuel to keep the tank just above reserve. These days, the amount of energy I have is directly proportional to the gradient of the uphill battle I’m facing.
No woman willingly chooses this life of constant struggle unless the alternative is worse. Being an only parent means taking life’s hits alone or risking harm by staying with someone who chips away at her spirit. In most cases, the choice isn’t a choice at all.
Understanding Newton’s Law in the Context of Parenthood
Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The laws of motion might not be about parenthood, but the analogy feels painfully accurate. When one parent withdraws, the other absorbs the full weight of responsibility, making single parenting an unbalanced struggle.
The Economic Disparity: Women-Led Households in South Africa
Studies by StatsSA reveal that 42.1% of households in South Africa are led by women, many of whom are single mothers. These households bear the brunt of financial hardship, with 38% of women-led homes below the poverty line, compared to 20% of men-led homes. Single mothers navigate impossible financial situations, often without support from their children’s fathers. These statistics should shock us, but somehow, they don’t.
Facing Society’s Judgments and Assumptions
Society often blames single mothers for “choosing wrong” or “not being enough.” Women hear that they should “be independent” and not rely on a man. But when they step up to these roles, they’re often met with resentment and judgment, especially from men who challenge women’s lived experiences or dismiss their struggles.
In today’s economy, mothers are expected to work as if they don’t raise children and raise children as if they don’t work. Society demands perfection—glowing skin, perfect BMI, and a sunny disposition—all while juggling work and parenting. We’re told not to complain, to be more like our grandmothers, though many of them urged us to choose a different path.
Navigating Male Responses and Social Media Critiques
While women support each other and share their experiences online, some men ridicule these experiences. The “period simulator” trend, for example, illustrates this disconnect. Only after experiencing simulated pain do some men acknowledge the strength of women. But physical pain is just the tip of the iceberg for mothers balancing societal expectations with the silent burdens of solo parenting.
The Silent Demands of Modern Motherhood
As an only parent, I’m often asked, “How do you do it all?” The answer is simple: there’s no one else to do it. The absent parent is often excused, while I’m left to handle every task alone—disciplinarian, nurturer, cook, cleaner, chauffeur, bookkeeper. No one talks about the intricate balance that must be struck daily just to keep things afloat.
The Reality of Deadbeat Parents and Enablers
Deadbeat parents and the families who enable them get away with being absent. They don’t show up for school events or remember birthdays. Instead, they spread lies about being “kept away,” while the single mother is left to bear the burden without complaint or acknowledgment.
Emotional and Financial Abandonment
It’s not just emotional abandonment but financial abuse as well. Maintenance payments are often missed or withheld, adding to the struggles. According to StatsSA, 51.7% of single mothers receive no financial support from their children’s fathers. This isn’t an oversight; it’s a control tactic, an attempt to retain power over mothers even after the relationship has ended.
The Hidden Cost of Financial Abuse
Withholding financial support is a form of abuse that’s rarely acknowledged. By cutting off resources, absent fathers exert control over single mothers, knowing that each missed payment affects her ability to provide for her children. Financial abuse keeps women in poverty, adding to the emotional toll.
Unfair Blame on the Present Parent
The present parent, who stays and provides, is often blamed for the absent parent’s failures. Deadbeats and their families shift responsibility onto the mother, accusing her of not being “enough” or enforcing boundaries that the absent parent refuses to respect.
The Emotional Toll of Solo Parenting
Parenting alone can be emotionally overwhelming, often pushing single mothers to the brink. Without a co-parent, the mother becomes the sole provider and the emotional cushion for her children, all while managing her own feelings of loss and frustration.
Postpartum Depression and Single Motherhood
The link between postpartum depression and single motherhood is rarely acknowledged. The lack of emotional and financial support intensifies feelings of isolation and inadequacy. What should be a joyful experience is clouded by resentment and exhaustion. The burden of parenting alone worsens these struggles, creating a cycle of hopelessness that is hard to escape.
The True Impact of Newton’s Law on Single Mothers
As Newton’s Third Law states, for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. The absence of one parent’s support leaves a heavy burden on the other, a weight that isn’t shared equally. The present parent absorbs the impact while the absent one goes unscathed.
Changing the Narrative: Single Mothers Deserve More Support
It’s time for society to support single mothers, especially those raising children alone. The emotional and financial strain they endure deserves understanding, empathy, and action. For too long, the narrative has focused on blaming mothers instead of recognizing the sacrifices they make daily. It’s time for us to step up, change the narrative, and offer the support they truly deserve.
