The story behind why I created Postpartum Directory as a modern mother without a village.
After becoming a mother for the first time in 2012 I realized just how isolating motherhood can be without the support of a village, not mentioning the lack of available, affordable and accessible health care information and support.
As I went along my journey of motherhood with each stage of my child’s development I found myself in a sea of self-doubt. As a mother without a mother, the journey is extra challenging without the support and advice from someone you trust. Throughout my pregnancy and during my c-section delivery I felt a sense of loss and longing for reassurance.
Three months of maternity leave went by in the blink of an eye, I had to return to my retail job with many raised eyebrows as to how I could leave my baby so soon, when it wasn’t a choice and even if it was, it should be mine without comments from those not directly impacted. Those first few weeks were filled with tears, sadness and desperation to split myself in two.
As our family settled into our new routine it got easier, than hard, then easier again. I’m still not entirely used to the ebb and flows of parenting, just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, the game changes.
Mothering in mental and physical isolation
We waited quite a while to delve back into the realm of babies. Adding to our family was important to us as both my husband and I do not have large families and we did not want our daughter to be alone as an adult. We had a plan, we stuck to the plan, we thought we were ready…and then…COVID19 hit us like a ton of bricks. Being pregnant during a pandemic is definitely one of the top ten things I absolutely NEVER want to do again.
The fear of getting ill and the unknown impact on the baby, the anxiety of not knowing if my husband would be allowed in the delivery room, the financial impact COVID had on our plans. The simple things I had planned like a baby shower, a professional maternity shoot (which I didn’t do with my first pregnancy) all the “first last” moments I was looking forward to with this being my last pregnancy went right out the door.
While I am eternally grateful that my son was born healthy, with his father there to witness his entrance into the world, a little part of me gets emotional thinking of all the missed moments I never got to have during that time. And the constant stress of it all took away a lot of my joy as well.
Does your birthing experience effect the way you experience motherhood?
My first child was born in a government hospital in Cape Town, I don’t consider her birth traumatic by any means. A little jarring but isn’t the introduction to motherhood jarring for every woman? Only after having my second child at a private hospital did I fully understand what so many people were complaining about in reference to health care in South Africa.
And so the seed for Postpartum Directory was planted. I didn’t want another mother lost and uninformed like I was. I want other mothers to feel safe and secure during pregnancy and labour. Knowing how to advocate for yourself as a pregnant woman is so essential for both the healthy of mother and baby. Hearing about horrific birth stories and avoidable fatalities makes my heart sink every time.
Making informed decisions
There are many people who think that mothering comes naturally. While this is true for certain aspects of motherhood, for the most part many mothers are thrown in the deep end with a cheery “good luck” while they’re left to fend for themselves, figuring out their mothering style and their individual children as they grow.
My aim with Postpartum Directory is to provide mothers with unbiased information to help them make these challenging decisions without the pressure of having to follow a specific path or one specific set of rules.
My plan for Postpartum Directory was always about being real and honest about the reality of motherhood. To not just shout about the love and fulfillment, but also to talk about the challenges, especially surrounding mental health. This project is also about reminding moms that there is no one size fits all for motherhood.
